All my life i been an extremist, or at least I call it that. If and when I go for something I go all the way, If I get angry I let it fly , If I love then I love deeply (part of the reason why small talk is so hard for me), When I study I search deep for answers and when life is good it is very good. I also go to the other side of things when I hurt I sink to depths of bitterness that is ugly, when and if I hate it is despise, when I get lost it becomes hopelessness and when life is bad all I think about is death.
I tell you the above so you might understand my confusion when I set quietly and listen to the depths of my being searching for my purpose. Yes people have told me to list my gifts, callings and talents and I will then find my purpose thru this. I have done this and will do it again here for you all but that list didn’t put words to my purpose for me. I believe they are a result of my purpose , so I sit quietly with my soul and I hear an echo but it is so soft I am unsure of what it is saying. My mind screams I want to know just tell me and I struggle to get back to that quiet place.
So I will list some of my gifts, callings and talents…
1. To teach
2. To love (not the normal love but the love of a person weather known or unknown that makes you feel and share their joy and pain)
3. discernment- both on a spiritual level and on an everyday type of way( I can feel the world around me often causing me to withdraw within myself)
5. giving- of myself, time and money (learning a lot on this)
6. healing- I do fight against this one because so many people have judged it as evil
7. visions and dreams- These are both night time and daytime and often hide this gift as I know I see things others can’t or don’t and often sited as nuts or crazy for it.
8. organizing and planning- to the point of driving people crazy with it
9. to see how things effect or work with other things( like how one animal can affect soil, water and fed people and another animal)
10. I can feel the workings of my body and work with the ways it functions, when something is wrong or injured I can tell you where and what but not so much in medical terms ( has made my doctors think I am crazy till can prove it to them)
The truth is I hide most of my gifts, callings and talents as many people are afraid of me because of them. I am learning that I can live in these gifts and not to care if others can’t handle them. This list isn’t a completely list because sharing things so long kept secret is overwhelming me a bit I truly do want to live a open clear life before people but I also don’t want to scare you all off with the fear that comes with seeing someone so naked before you. I do understand that fear I feel it myself but strongly believe part of the problem today in the world is that we hide who we really are, afraid of being judged by those round us. True we can say I am who I am like it or not” but the fear remains that we are different and it takes a life time to come to the point or realization that none of us are the same even if we try with all our hearts to be the same. Sometimes it’s hard to celebrate differences but that is where we need to be.
take a moment with me, relax, breath, Remember we are special in who we are. Settle back into that peace of who you are and the contentment of you are YOU and NO! one can take that way from you. Return with me to that quiet place where your heart and soul are free to speak freely. I can here the echoes within my soul again now but this time I believe I can make out what is being said. B..a..l..a..n…c…e, B…al…an..ce, Balance!
Really? My purpose is Balance? What does that mean?
I hope you will stay with me thru my learning what the above means as I journey thru to my purpose!