Merry Christmas, I know not all of you celebrate Christmas but happy whatever holiday you celebrate, I celebrate Christmas. This year has proved it’s self odd in many ways for me, a year ago I sat on the couch and decided I didn’t like my life and wanted to change it. You can read past blogs and see that change unfold. The holiday season has been amongst the oddest. Most of you know I don’t celebrate in Oct. like some of you do, this is due to the fact that the month is filled with memories and most of them aren’t very good ones. This year I experienced a painful betrayal and that adds to the stress and difficulty of Oct for me. Then came Thanksgiving and I wasn’t in the mood to give thanks for much of anything. Yeah I am a mom and I went thru the motions but Thanksgiving just wasn’t the same without that inner joy of thankfulness for what I have. Now don’t get me wrong I am thankful for everything I have and even those things I may have too much of. If you know me I don’t like a lot of physical items around me having to take of them. Usually right after Thanksgiving I jump right into Christmas and by the first of Dec. I am all sitting and ready to roll. This year so many things were uncertain for me. Would I have the money to do Christmas? Should I wait and spend the money on something greater than gifts? What is greater than gifts? Maybe the homestead for my family. Could I do both? Then there was wait and see what Dec 21st held, now again don’t get me wrong I didn’t think anything was going to happen but I did have this huge weight of uncertain that just wouldn’t go away. So like normal if won’t leave you alone, embrace it. How to you plan for Christmas while embracing the end of the world?

I was trying to ignore Christmas and was pretty easy as I was still able to pick strawberries and harvest from my garden all the way into Dec. The weather outside wasn’t frightful it was delightful. My spring crops were popping their heads up for another go around and I ran around in shorts and bare feet, even turning on the air conditioner. The Christmas Eve party was moved to an End of the World Party. The kids finally put up the tree mid Dec. and I did buy a few little things for under the tree. Like so many holidays it looked like Christmas was going to fall to the wayside. It is now three days to Christmas and I still don’t have everything done and put together to make the day something special. My kitchen still needs to be organized and put together for the meal and it finally snowed yesterday. Packages still sit waiting to be mailed out and I am missing some of the ingredients to make the special dishes. I keep thinking when will the Christmas spirit arrive and yet all me and my family are looking forward to is moving and building the homestead. All the decorations this year just seem to be clutter.

The celebration may be a little delayed this year as some much of our energy is going out to getting and moving to the homestead. I  wish each of you a wonderful merry and bright Christmas no matter if it is an odd one like ours or the normal day for you.  I look forward to writing this blog of my jounery in 2013.



About bttrflysprit

Mother, daughter, wife, sister, MPD/DID, woman, someones child, are some of my titles. I am who I am and I am learning to be happy with that.

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