What brings a person the point of saying I don’t like this life I am living and I don’t like who I am in this life?

I can’t answer that question but one morning I woke up and realized I wasn’t happy taking care of my family anymore, I hated my body and I found it hard to move off the couch I had spent the night on. Stress very well could of been a large part of this unhappiness, another part may be my health and I know a part of it is my lost faith or even hope in God. Somehow my life had gotten totally out of balance, and I knew I had to somehow bring it back into balance. In the beginning I wasn’t sure how to go about making that change and I was hesitant to tell anyone of my decision to reinvent me into something I actually liked. That is how the next question came about.

How do I reinvent me? I know there are several areas to address, psychical, spiritual, and emotional, to name three. At this point I was sure of how to completely change any of these areas but knew a little about allot. I choose the easiest or what I thought would be the easiest to start with the psychical.

What I would need to do to change the psyical me.

Get a hair cut and dye my hair,begin wearing make up again, get dressed in nice clothes everyday, take vitiaims to help me feel better and maybe homorne replacement as well as thorid medcine to balance it, quit drinking diet soda, and smoking, eat healthy instead of a small meal a day; eat 4-6 small meals a day, get sunlight and exercise daily.This list was huge but mostly do able and these were the things that doctors would have told me to do to get out of depression (they would of mistaken my unhappiness for deep depression had I gone to them, they always had in the past)

To help my emotional level I wasn’t sure other than doing my collages and journaling but this time I wanted to do a different kind of journaling more a throw whatever I want into a journal instead of timeline of daily feelings. At this piont I told my husband of my plan and for Christmas he purchased me a set of 5 smash journals (across of journaling and scrapbook and collage all in one). One was for my projects, one for my inspiration, one for my emotions, one for cooking and one whatever I choose. He also gave me drawing materials and papers, stickers and such to help me on this adventure.

To cover the spiritual area I tried to find a church to attend but each one was a new problem and I found myself stuck at this piont. I knew I needed balance and yet I didn’t know what else I could do on the low income of my family. I wasn’t about to give up so started looking on the internet for how to live a balanced life. wanted to smash journal about it and so was looking for a balanced wheel of life when I came across one I started reading the site as well as stealing the picture for my journal. They had a questionnaire on the site that you could do for free and receive a free call to advise on a plan of action. I answered the questions and felt kinda like a downer Debbie  because answering the questions let me see just how bad things had actually gotten. I forgot about the call and a couple days later a life coach called I don’t know that the call did much more than surprise me but the coach told me of a free journal site.and convinced me that I should give it a try. I agreed to try it for one week.

That was the true beginning of my journey…..

hope you join me to watch and see how I learn and grow into the person I truely want to be!


About bttrflysprit

Mother, daughter, wife, sister, MPD/DID, woman, someones child, are some of my titles. I am who I am and I am learning to be happy with that.

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